I hate all girls vehemently.
I think I am morally bankrupt
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
