i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
