i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
