After last night, I could never be a politician.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
