just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
