I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize