I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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