She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
