My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?