Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
