I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
