When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.