i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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