Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(571): View more from Virginia

i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.

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(650): View more from California

I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.

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(509): View more from Washington

There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.

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(252): View more from North Carolina

Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(703): View more from Virginia

See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.

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(228): View more from Mississippi

Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.

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(505): View more from New Mexico

Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.

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(989): View more from Michigan

I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright

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