I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
New Dating App in Dallas For Only The Most Ambitious and Attractive Singles
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
