After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
where are my eyebrows?
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