so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
