I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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