Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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