bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
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