so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He felt like a one man threesome
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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