There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
