When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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