apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
