omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
