Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
