also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
