I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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