I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
