Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
