dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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