she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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