In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
we're making bets on your personal life
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
