I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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