I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
