Sponge bath it is.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
