I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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