After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
