I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
