I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
