Your tits are I can't wait for
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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