my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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