so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Drunk is not a location!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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