I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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