thanks...oh and i got my period
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Blood and glitter go together right?
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Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries