our cab driver is having phone sex.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
