I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
