Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Even my vagina gasped.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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