Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
