ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize