He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I just googled if crying burns calories
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
