i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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