allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I am naked and annoyed.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
