I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
