I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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