I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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