So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
