I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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