ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
