You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
