I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Pants are for mortals
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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