He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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