New low: just hacked my moms facebook
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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