My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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