No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
