love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
