I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
