You work out of a Hotel?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
you made out with another girl for some wings
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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