just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
