Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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